damn the spam

i think my blog has received more entries from spammers than myself. and that's a bad thing. for those of you reading this, both of you, sorry about that. apparently i just can't find the time to do this all that often. okay so it's probably not the time, it's coming up with the topics. wait. i just came up with one.

you see, i've always enjoyed writing. not like, "this is what i want to do for a living" enjoyed (hi flarf), but i get more than my fair share of amusement out of it, and that's good enough for me. but my struggle has never been the writing part, it's the topic part. i can remember as far back as sixth grade english. (i can actually remember beyond that in general, but i'm trying to stay on point here). we had to write in a journal in english class. every day. i don't write every day (as you now know). the hardest part was that my teacher always said "just write about whatever you want. anything you want. be creative." 

be creative.

bullshit lady, you're a teacher, tell me what to write about!

i never actually said that.

i usually ended up doing one of three things.

1-"last night i had chicken for dinner. yup. chicken. it was chicken with some white sauce on it and i don't like white sauces. there were some veggies too, but i didn't eat those. my mom tells me i will like them when i'm older, something about an 'acquired taste' but i think she's lying. . ."

2-"i'm writing in my journal now because i was told to write in my journal. i don't have anything to write about but i'm supposed to keep writing no matter if i have anything to write about or not, so that's what i'm doing. i think that was a run on sentence, but what do you expect when i'm just told to keep on writing. . ."

3-no words. random scribbles. and for some reason, a tornado. i always start with scribbles and end up with a tornado. then i draw a house next to the tornado. with a fence. i don't know why.

for the record, i do not like vegetables. in fact, my wife yelled at me last night for not even trying a single bite of my zucchini. whatever.

so the topic thing, yeah, over the years it hasn't gotten better, as i usually end up writing about inanimate objects or whatever i happen to see around me (my high school creative writing piece "izzy the bee" was da bomb, yo!).

it is now that i turn it over to you. you want me to write? give me topics! anything and everything. i'll do my best to come up with something. even questions, about have i ever or when did you first, etc. keep it clean people.

scary but true...

your iq can drop as much as 20% when you take a 3 week vacation... guess that whole "2 point lead" thing is pretty much gone now, huh?

quiz time!

Bozo was about to board a city bus with his newly purchased, five-foot-long novelty toothbrush, when the driver informed him of an ordinance prohibiting packages of more than four feet tall. He had only enough money to take the bus home, and the store wouldn't take returns. Five minutes later, Bozo was on the bus riding home, with the toothbrush in one piece. How'd he do it?

deal or no deal

so i'm a sucker for television. good television. bad television. it doesn't always matter. i have a tendency to skip out on some quality shows (24, west wing, csi) and i also have some guilty pleasures (american idol, survivor). the latter is the subject of this blog.

have you seen the commercials for nbc's new "hit gameshow" deal or no deal? it involved people watching tv. screaming. like idiots. as though the tv can hear them. "take the money! take the money!" "you IDIOT!"

sigh…

i have become said gameshow watching, tv screaming idiot. the other night, with a "highly compelling" episode of deal or no deal on, i found myself talking out loud. "i think i'd take it. i don't know, $82,000, with only 2 higher amounts left? i'd take it." she didn't. i called her a nincompoop, or some other innocent insult. she picked a box, she kept going, her next offer was close to $200,000. my volume increased. "holy crap! take it, oh she's got to take this. she'd be stupid to not take this. but ya know what? i think it would be hilarious if she didn't, yeah! don't take it! hahahaha!" she didn't take it. i screamed "OHhhhh my GOOOOddd what an idiot! HOLY CRAP! What is she THINKING?!?" 

and then it hit me.

i'm yelling at my tv.

sigh… ever feel like you're actually getting dumber just by doing something stupid? yeah. that was my moment. i must have lost some important information during that hour. oh well. time to watch project runway.

it's 9am somewhere

and that somewhere is hawaii… i'm counting down the moments till i am able to escape everything. no work. no tv. no phonecalls. none of it. just me, my wife-to-be, and the subtle sounds of peace. oh. and maybe a whale or two. that would be fun.

hey look, a headline!

apparently there's a checkbox i missed. 3 POSTS IN ONE DAY, YAY! COMMENT NOW! hehe

apparently this new tool doesn't allow me to write headlines. but for the convenience, i'm okay with that. look, two posts in one day!